Ranking the Pokemon: #85- Cubone

Cubone is just a baby. It's easily in the running for smallest Pokemon out there, coming in at just 1'4" and a little over 14 pounds. Actually, looking it up, there are 20 other Generation I Pokemon that are the same height or shorter, so maybe it's not even close to the smallest. Regardless, it's certainly the most badass, and easily the most messed up, if you believe the conspiracy theorists. Which I do, because it makes the game even more interesting.

First, though, let's get Cubone's battling ability out of the way. It's a pure Ground type and has outrageously good Defense for an unevolved, with above average HP and Attack, and slow Speed and Special. You know, kind of like almost every Ground type in the game. Cubone and Marowak have not one, but TWO signature moves--Bone Club and Bonemerang. Because the pair are the only two Pokes to, you know, fight with a bone. Aside from Bonemerang being fun to say, they're like all signature moves in that they're weaker, less accurate versions of better moves (in this case, Earthquake). So even though it might be unique to learn them, you're much better off sticking with the classic.

Cubone also can learn a plethora of special attacks, but, like Hitmonchan, it suffers greatly from its porous Special rating. That's too bad, because having Earthquake, Bubblebeam, Blizzard and something like Submission would be awesome, since you'd take care of virtually every type except Water and Psychics. Which are two of the most commonly-used types, but still. But since Cubone's Special isn't very good, you're not gonna do a lot of damage, and you're gonna get a lot of damage if someone uses a Water, Ice or Grass type move on you.

However, Cubone has a very interesting and morbid backstory, and that kind of weirdness certainly helps its cause. Let's begin with the Pokedex entry. While the origin of Cubone's skull is mentioned in the Pokemon Yellow version, my personal favorite (i.e. most depressing one) is the one from Pokemon Ruby/Sapphire:


"Cubone pines for the mother it will never see again. Seeing a likeness of its mother in the full moon, it cries. The stains on the skull the Pokemon wears are made by the tears it sheds."

Allow yourself to re-read that. In a CHILDREN'S game, Cubone is basically wearing a corpse on its head. But wait, it gets even more strange. There are plenty of conspiracy theories out there about Cubone, Marowak and Kangaskhan being related. Of course Cubone and Marowak are, since they're in an evolutionary line, but the Kangaskhan, whose name is a combination of Gengis Khan and kangaroo (seriously), doesn't seem to fit in too well. Unless...that little baby in Kangaskhan's pouch can either grow up to be a Kangaskhan or a Cubone. And the Cubone skull, which looks an awful lot like Kangaskhan's head, is that little baby's dead mother. Which it is now crying inside as it becomes solitary and depressed for the rest of its life. Good job, GameFreak, now you've made us all sad.

Battling Grade: C

Previously: #86- Charmander